Happy Women's Day

Come March 8th and we will celebrate the achievements of all the ladies on this planet, giving them their share of recognition and appreciation for all the hard work they have done for ages. Females enjoyed a very high respect in early Indian society. But with the passage of time, erosion of traditions took place. Ladies were exploited to keep the traditions alive no matter how relevant they were in the present scenario. Nevertheless, there were many revolutions, some even started by men, to again give the females their lost glory. To some extent, yes we have won. Many would object when I say "to some extent". I have reasons for that. Till sometime back, I use to believe that MAJORITY of girls/women nowadays are aware of their rights and that they cannot be subjugated anymore. But recently I encountered a situation where I was made to think about the reality of women empowerment. 

Sometime back a lady came to my house to ask if I need a household help (read maid). I had recently shifted to Lucknow at that time and was in need of a maid. So after initial inquiry, I agreed to hire her. She was a nice lady, very thin, educated till class 8th (better than any of her other 4 sisters who have never been to school) and had four children. The eldest daughter was almost 14 years of age while the youngest son was just 3 years old. It never struck me to ask her for her choices of the number of children she had as I knew about the Indian mentality of having a preference for a male child.  One day she came to me to ask if I know anything about contraceptive pill. I was bit taken aback. Curiously I asked her, why Lakshmi? Why now? You have a son! Please put full stop now!  She smiled with teary eyes and said " Bhabhi, har cheez humare haath main nhi hoti". I could feel her helplessness.  Such incidents were a common occurrence thereafter. I used to counsel her, guide her, help her monetarily but all in vain. One day she did not turn up for work. I tried calling her but her mobile was switched off. I saw her sister on the road and enquired about Laskmi's whereabouts. She told me, " Bhabhi, uske pati ne use bahut peeta hai. Wo kahin chali gyi hai." I asked "Khan?". She said "Pta nhi. Par bechari apne pati ko chod ke khan jaegi? Aurat hai na, pati chahe rakshas hi kyun na ho, sehna to padta hai." I was shocked! I once thought of informing the police, but by evening I came to know that she has returned. Next day when she came, I saw her face. It was all black! I asked her " Lakshmi, kya hua?". Her voice choked. Eyes were filled with tear. For five minutes, she could not utter a word. Then very slowly she said, " Bhabhi, humara pati kal daaru pee ke aya. Aur hume sab bacchon ke saamne kheechne lga. keh rha tha, chal, mujhe teri zaroorat hai. Maine use roka. To wo mujhe maarne lga. Bacchon ne roka, to bacchon ko bhi maarne lga. Ladke ka haath tod diya. Fir usne mujhe kheecha aur sab logon ke saamne meri izzat le li". She was crying all through the conversation and I was dumbstruck! For the first time I encountered a real marital rape case! She further said " ab to ate jate har aadmi hume bazaroo aurat smajhta hai. Police wale ko bhi bulaya tha to wo bhi humse budtameezi krne lga. Humari koi izzat nhi hai. Hum saara paisa kamate hain aur ye sab daaru main uda deta hai. Bhagwan ne aisi zindagi di hai ki maut se bhi battar hai. Hum kahin kaam pe jaate hain to ye sochta hai ki hum dhanda kar rhe hain. Humare kaam bhi chudwa diye." I was so much shocked, pained and angered at the same time! I asked her “ Chod kyun nhi deti aise aadmi ko?” She replied, “ Bhabhi, khan jaun chod ke. Shaadi to saath janam ka rishta hai. Pati chahe jaisa bhi kyun na ho, hota to pati hai. Saara saamaj bhi hume hi zimmedar manega. Bacchon ka kya hoga. Teen betiyan hai.” “Wasise bhi wo kaun si zimmedari le rha hai”, I asked. She just sobbed and started doing her work. Her silence was deafening, I knew she will not go against her husband. Her whole identity and existence was based on this man who has absolutely no love or respect for her. For him, she was only a ‘body’ who works for him during the day and satisfy his needs at night. I knew how obediently and dedicatedly she performed her duties when her husband had an eye operation. And this man, he treated her like his servant!

That whole day I was extremely upset. It forced me to think are we really empowered? When we talk about women empowerment, we only acknowledge professional achievements. But women will be empowered in actual sense when they get the confidence to have their say without thinking about societal pressure. We need to empower these poor ladies like Lakshmi for whom every day and every night is hell. They face verbal, physical and mental abuse! The notion of  ‘Pati Parmeshwar’ is so deeply imbibed in our culture that it is very difficult for a lady to break it. Pati is Parmeshwar only if his conduct is so. The least he can do is to respect her. That’s it!  

Marital Rape and physical abuse of ladies is a worldwide phenomenon. It satisfy a man’s ego and give them a feeling of being a ‘Real Man’! And poor ladies, they either justify it as being their duty to satisfy their husband’s  need, or for them it’s Ok to be beaten once a while, and if nothing justifies it, then they accept is as their destiny.

Lakshmi comes a very poor background. But such abuses are not limited to the poorer section of the society. Educated and well earning people also do abuse their wives. It is certainly not about education or money. It is more about power and ego! Education can solve this problem to a very large extent. Females need to be educated but more importantly males need to be educated about who is a Real Man. They need to be made sensitive towards their female counterparts. They need to know, physical, verbal and sexual abuse do not make them a man but instead a Rakshas.

As a lady also, we have very high responsibility. How are we rearing our children, especially a male child. Are we teaching them to be respectful to the ladies around them? What kind of person are we sending into the society? After all, one day they will also be husband and father too! The way they have been groomed in their childhood will determine their character for the rest of their life.

This Woman’s Day, I wish everyone (male and female) a better tomorrow. But the journey is still incomplete! We still need to do a lot more efforts to save the respect of ladies like Lakshmi. Save their dignity and save their existence. The least we can do it to Speak Up! Revolt against any such behavior! No body has got the right to touch you without your wishes! Do not suffer physical abuse just because he is the bread earner of the house! You may be weak today but your one step will make you stronger for the rest of your life. Do not pity yourself ! Fight! It is not your destiny! Your destiny is what you make!

I am still trying to awake the self respect of Lakshmi and asking her to fight for what is right. To certain extent, I have succeeded, but a lot remains to be done! My blog is to help ladies find a platform to discuss their issue, to give them strength to fight for their rights, to open up about domestic violence. It’s not a taboo! It’s a scar, a scar on your body, on your soul and on your mind!  Speak Up! Open Up! There are so many ears listening to you, so many like you and so many hands to help you! God bless you all!  

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